Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
