I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
