can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
