it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
