Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
