My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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