I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
This house was built for laser tag.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
