we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
