I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
