Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My liver just had a heart attack.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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