If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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