I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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