Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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