wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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