I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
