i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize