So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
