I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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