im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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