So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
