Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
