What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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