Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
