I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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