:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
