I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
