I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
