So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
