Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
