Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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