I'm drive I can fine osifer
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
