Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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