Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
