The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hello my rib-scented angel!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize