Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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