One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
