just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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