I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
