at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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