We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
