Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
