wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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