I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
