Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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