Betty ford says i'm here all night
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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