i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
