we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
