I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
