YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
