He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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