Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
being pregnant is like rehab
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
