i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
