Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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