So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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