I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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