Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
