i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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