o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
