Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
