If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
