Having a random hookup so left but love u
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
