Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
