So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My penis needs a shock collar
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
