If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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