he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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