No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
