If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
