our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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