we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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