How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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