C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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