he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize