You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
