your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
