How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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