this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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