I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
