One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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