6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
