No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
