Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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