whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
