either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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