I can tuck mytits in my pants
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
