smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
