Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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