Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
