Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
