Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
