He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
