Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize