i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
