i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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