a queef is a wish your heart makes.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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