How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
