I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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