I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
