mondays should just be called national damage control day
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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