You're my little dorito
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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