So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize