Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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