so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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