he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
